Payback Time

The Student Loans Company owes me 8p, so I’ve sent them a letter in the style of those fake bailiff warnings they issued a few years back.

Because I live in Denmark, sending that letter to the SLC cost me about £3 in international postage fees so really I am £2.92 down. 

Totally worth it.

Full text, in case you can’t see the image:

We put a lot of effort into it

CREDITOR: Liam Butler
TOTAL DUE: £0.08

Dear Student Loans Company,

We are instructed by Liam Butler, in relation to the sum outstanding shown above.

Unless payment is made to Liam Butler within 7 days of the date of this letter, further action will be taken to collect all outstanding monies. We really will do this because we are absolutely not a made up company.

You should get in touch as a matter of urgency to make payment.

If you cannot make payment, we will require evidence of your destitution. Like you, we don’t have an email address. We require the evidence to be sent by post. However as part of our modernisation drive, we are now also able to accept smoke signals and carrier pigeons.

I have to inform you that if you fail to make payment as requested, further action may be taken. This may include: further correspondence with bold text, ultimately hollow threats, and passive-aggressive tweets.

Yours Sincerely,
Liam Butler

On behalf of Loan Bailiffs